Wow! I can't believe that Christmas is in 4 days! I have no idea where the time has gone. My mind has been in a million different places it feels like. I have been sick with the flu twice in a week and a half, and I feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done that needs to be done! I still have presents to wrap, a house to clean, groceries to buy, and all of it has to be done before family gets here in 2 days! On top of all that I have to plunge into my past head first to answer questions that have been answered multiple times, all because "someone" won't take responsibility for their actions! It really doesn't make sense to me. I just want to scream most of the time! In fact, I might do a little screaming for a minute.....ready......here it goes....AHHHHHHHHHH! WHY ARE YOU SO COLD-HEARTED?! WHY CAN'T YOU GROW UP AND JUST CARE FOR ONE OTHER PERSON OTHER THAN YOURSELF FOR ONE DAY?! THAT ONE OTHER PERSON THAT I AM REFERRING TO IS YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER! SHE IS SWEET, INNOCENT, AND HAS NOT DONE A DANG THING TO DESERVE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER! MY HEART BREAKS FOR HER, NOT YOU, HER AND ONLY HER!
Okay, sorry, but I do feel better! Isn't typing all in caps so refreshing! All of this unneeded drama has kind of ruined my Holiday Spirit. The only thing that has kept me going is my Bug! Her excitement when I finally got the Christmas tree up (and that was only because my Mom yelled at me for not having it up for Arleigh) made all the hardships, heartbreak, and frustrations of this past year worth it! She was running around the room like a crazy person shouting "pretty twee, pretty twee"! I laughed and cried all at the same time! It is for sure going to be one of my top all-time favorite Christmas memories! Shopping for my Bug has been fun too! She is going to be one spoiled little girl, that is for sure! I just hope that she knows how much she is loved. I know there will come a time when she will ask me why her father doesn't seem to care or why he never wants to spend time with her. I hope the words come as easy as they do right now. I will tell her that no matter what he does, that nothing is her fault. He is a grown man that makes his own choices, and unfortunately she just wasn't one of those choices. Then I will hold her, wipe her tears, and tell her that she will always have 152% of my love....after all I am her Mommy and that is why God put me on this earth!
Arleigh melts my heart everyday! Her newest obsessions are lotion and her Uncle. If there is a bottle of lotion within a mile of her, you can bet that she is going to find it. When she does you can count on the fact that from that moment and beyond (give or take an hour or two :) ) you will be continually squirting lotion in her hands so that she can "shotion her hands". This new obsession I can only guess came from her Nana, considering the first time I saw this taking place was at her house! It was cute at first, but now it is borderline annoying! However, if it makes my Bug happy then I will continue to give her "shotion" for her hands!
The obsession with my brother melts my heart! See, next to Arleigh, my brother is the next most important person in my life. He always has been and always will be! That feeling has rubbed off on my daughter. When I pick her up after work, and I walk in the door she is excited to see me. As soon as we start walking to the car though, it is all about "Uncle"! All I hear on the way home is "Uncle this", "Uncle that"! Once we get home she runs to him and tells him about her day! I love it! Not only does she love Uncle, but anything that belongs to Uncle, anything that Uncle may have touched, and anything that Uncle could possibly have looked at! She thinks that everything belongs to Uncle. My brother and I have the same type of phone, so Arleigh likes to take my phone and tell me that it is Uncle's. She is usually running around with his hat on her head or his scarf wrapped around her face, and she cries....oh boy does she cry when he goes upstairs to play the drums! I am glad that they are close, they are good for each other!
Now that I am thinking about all these great things that have happened in the past month, I am getting a little mad at myself. Why do I continue to let all of this unimportant B.S. get me down? I let him make me feel like I am worthless and undeserving. I know that none of that is true. I have worked my butt off to get where I am today, and with no help from him! I can honestly say that I am really truly happy for the first time in about 2 years. When I think of all that God has blessed me with, my amazing Bug, my amazing family and friends, and my amazing job I want to yell at my self! "COME BACK TO REALITY, CRYSTAL"!
All that really matters is this Mommy & her Bug!
Merry Christmas!
Crystal
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
A Day To Be Thankful
I decided this would be the perfect day to start my blog. Thanksgiving has me feeling a variety of emotions. The most important thing I am feeling is just being extremely thankful for all that I have! I have a wonderful family and some pretty amazing friends. They have been there for me no matter what! They have never judged me, never given up on me, and the most important, they have never ever turned their backs on me. I mean, after all I have made some pretty stupid choices, but then again who doesn't. They have given me so many tools, advice, and love that I have no choice but to succeed. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for them, I would not be where I am today. They deserve more "thank you" than I could ever possibly give them!
My best and most important accomplishment is my daughter. Arleigh Kyle is my inspiration for everything that I do. Most people have the angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other. I believe that I do not have either of those. I have my Arleigh. I am always thinking how my choices will effect her. I am no longer my own person. I live solely to care for her, to make sure she is happy, and to ensure that she has the best possible life that I can give her. After all, she is the most important and enjoyable job that I have ever had! When I am having a bad day all I have to do is imagine my little Bug's smiling face or her laugh, and I immediately become so grateful for the precious gift that God has given me, that everything else seems so insignificant. I will never be able to tell her how much I love her, as there on not enough words. I look at her everyday and think about how lucky I am. Sometimes, I get angry and wonder how someone could just walk away and ultimately want nothing to do with her. She is so amazing! Arleigh learns something new every day! I don't understand how someone can live with themselves knowing all that they are missing. I do know however, that she will never feel like she is not loved. She has so many people around her that love her beyond words.
Another thing that I am thankful for is the amazing job that God has blessed me with. I work with some of the greatest people that anyone could ask for! They are fun, caring, and most of all understanding! They don't look down on me or pass judgement on me for being a single mom, like most people in this world do. They embrace it. I know that I can turn to them for advice, tell them what crazy thing Arleigh has done recently, or just vent to them about the worries I have regarding being a single parent. They sincerely want to see me succeed. I couldn't ask for better people to work with. They are truly a blessing!
Today does bring some sorrow. My grandmother (Grammy as I liked to call her) has been gone since May 2009. I feel a deep sadness when I think about her and Alreigh not getting to enjoy one another. She was such a strong, amazing, and generous woman. I look at her as one of my greatest role models. I know that she looks in on us everyday, and that I can talk to her when I need an ear. It still doesn't make the pain of her absence any easier. I would much rather have her here with Arleigh and I. I miss her every single day, and I hope that I can pass on all of what she taught me to my daughter.
I believe deep down in my heart that Arleigh and I will do amazing things together. After all, we need each other more than I think either of us realizes. I am so excited to see what God has in His plan for the two of us. I am sure there will be fun times, sad times, and trying times. One thing is for sure though, we will be in it together! I hope that you will join the ride, after all it should be pretty entertaining just hanging with A Mommy & Her Bug!
Happy Thanksgiving All!
Mommy & Bug
My best and most important accomplishment is my daughter. Arleigh Kyle is my inspiration for everything that I do. Most people have the angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other. I believe that I do not have either of those. I have my Arleigh. I am always thinking how my choices will effect her. I am no longer my own person. I live solely to care for her, to make sure she is happy, and to ensure that she has the best possible life that I can give her. After all, she is the most important and enjoyable job that I have ever had! When I am having a bad day all I have to do is imagine my little Bug's smiling face or her laugh, and I immediately become so grateful for the precious gift that God has given me, that everything else seems so insignificant. I will never be able to tell her how much I love her, as there on not enough words. I look at her everyday and think about how lucky I am. Sometimes, I get angry and wonder how someone could just walk away and ultimately want nothing to do with her. She is so amazing! Arleigh learns something new every day! I don't understand how someone can live with themselves knowing all that they are missing. I do know however, that she will never feel like she is not loved. She has so many people around her that love her beyond words.
Another thing that I am thankful for is the amazing job that God has blessed me with. I work with some of the greatest people that anyone could ask for! They are fun, caring, and most of all understanding! They don't look down on me or pass judgement on me for being a single mom, like most people in this world do. They embrace it. I know that I can turn to them for advice, tell them what crazy thing Arleigh has done recently, or just vent to them about the worries I have regarding being a single parent. They sincerely want to see me succeed. I couldn't ask for better people to work with. They are truly a blessing!
Today does bring some sorrow. My grandmother (Grammy as I liked to call her) has been gone since May 2009. I feel a deep sadness when I think about her and Alreigh not getting to enjoy one another. She was such a strong, amazing, and generous woman. I look at her as one of my greatest role models. I know that she looks in on us everyday, and that I can talk to her when I need an ear. It still doesn't make the pain of her absence any easier. I would much rather have her here with Arleigh and I. I miss her every single day, and I hope that I can pass on all of what she taught me to my daughter.
I believe deep down in my heart that Arleigh and I will do amazing things together. After all, we need each other more than I think either of us realizes. I am so excited to see what God has in His plan for the two of us. I am sure there will be fun times, sad times, and trying times. One thing is for sure though, we will be in it together! I hope that you will join the ride, after all it should be pretty entertaining just hanging with A Mommy & Her Bug!
Happy Thanksgiving All!
Mommy & Bug
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